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.:: Real Phreaker's Guide Vol. 2 ::.

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Current issue : #13 | Release date : 1987-01-04 | Editor : Taran King
Phrack XIII IndexTaran King
Real Phreaker's Guide Vol. 2Knight Lightning
How to Fuck Up the World - A ParodyThomas Covenant
How to Build a Paisley BoxThomas Covenant & Double Helix
Phreaks In VerseSir Francis Drake
R.A.G. - Rodents Are GayEvil Jay
Are You A Phone Geek?Doom Prophet
Computerists Underground News Tabloid - CUNTCrimson Death
RAGS - The Best of Sexy ExySexy Exy
Phrack World News XIIIKnight Lightning
Title : Real Phreaker's Guide Vol. 2
Author : Knight Lightning
                               ==Phrack Inc.==

                     Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #2 of 10

           _-><-_==_{[The REAL Phreaker's Guide Part II]}_==_-><-_
                                      or
                           How To/Not To Be Elite!

                                  Written by

                       Taran King and Knight Lightning

         So, you're willing to give up EVERYTHING to be elite, huh?  Well,
you've come to the right place.  We know from EXPERIENCE.  We know FIRST HAND.
We know because we ARE ELITE (not elite, ELITE).
         Some of you may recall our first version of this file which was
released years ago.  That was when we were young and immature.  We are now
much more mature and ELITE and you aren't so there.  Here's the file, learn
it, love it, live it, leach it.

!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^

Real phreaks don't utilize anything pertaining to phreaking/hacking in their
handles (Phantom PHREAKER, CODES Master, CODE Manipulator, Bill from RNOC,
Perpetual PHREAK, Luke VAXHACKER, VMS Consultant, Holophax PHREAKER,
Ubiquitous HACKER, Dr. HACK, PHREAKY Floyd, Broadway HACKER, The Mad HACKER,
The PHREAKazoid, PHREAKenstein, Dan The OPERATOR, and ORYAN QUEST).

Corollary:  Real phreaks or hackers don't have ORYAN QUEST in their name.

Real phreaks don't get in trouble when people harass their parents (Phucked
Agent 04, The Executioner, and Oryan Quest).

Corollary:  Real phreaks don't name themselves Oryan Quest if they know that
they're going to receive harassing phone calls.

Real phreaks don't look like celebrities (Mark Tabas - Tom Petty, Shooting
Shark - Mork from Ork, Telenet Bob - Danny Partridge (200 pounds later), John
Draper - Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein, The Executioner - All of the
group members of Loudness, Broadway Hacker/The Whacko Cracko Bros. - Tommy
Flenagan, Mr. Zenith's mother - Fred Sanford, The Lineman - Spanky, Sigmund
Fraud - The Great Pumpkin, and Oryan Quest - the Mexican cab driver in D.C.
Cab).

Corollary:  Real phreaks didn't crawl under a fence to become a citizen of the
United States of America.

Real phreaks don't go to Tap (Dead Lord, Cheshire Catalyst, Sid Platt, and
Oryan Quest).

Corollary:  Real phreaks don't piss Taran King off so that they would get a
rag file dedicated to them.

Real phreaks don't name their group after a real phreak (New religion:
Luthorian.)

Real phreaks don't get busted and come back numerous times (The Whacko Cracko
Bros., Dr. Who, Mark Tabas, Holophax Phreaker, and Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks don't get kicked out of the FBI (Ahem!).

Real phreaks can't speak 2600 in their normal, everyday voice (Ax Murderer,
The Wizard, The Preacher, and Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks don't have busha-bushas (Eric Corley, John Maxfield, The Bootleg,
and not Oryan Quest's mother).

Real phreaks aren't religious fanatics (The Preacher, The Pope, The Exorcist,
Magnetic Pope, All Members of Cult of the Dead Cow, Mr. Zenith's mom, The
Prophet, Lucifer 666, Angel of Destiny, and Satan [Oh, and Oryan Quest]).

Real phreaks don't use vaseline for mousse (Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks don't eat tacos for breakfast, burritos for lunch, and
enchilladas for dinner (Oryan Quest).

Corollary:  Real phreaks don't need to get the cheese for their Mexican dinner
from the government (Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks don't claim to get busted 3 times to make a good reputation as a
phreaker or hacker for themselves (Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks don't answer to "Paco" (Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks don't use Maintenance Busy in an effort to unleash with full
force (Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks can rag on better things than an individual's mom (Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks' caps lock didn't get stuck when signing their first message
after they typed their first name (Oryan QUEST).

Real phreaks don't claim to know more than 65% of the phreak world (Oryan
Quest).

Real phreaks don't have a girlfriend that needs to shave...their face (Oryan
Quest).

Real phreaks haven't been around for 4 years without accomplishing something
(Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks CAN'T argue with their parents in Spanish (Oryan Quest).

Real phreaks don't:

  Cash $5,000,000 checks.

  Card minicomputers.

  Card gold.

  Get busted for hacking but let off due to police brutality (?!?).

  Write books on the topic.

  Say they're from outside of Illinois when working for Illinois Bell.

!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^

         You, the reader, must understand that this is all written with the
very least in seriousness (except that written about Oryan Quest).  Anything
contained in the file is just poking fun at people without trying to really
make them feel bad (except for Oryan Quest).
         To the various people that have contributed various pieces and bits
to this file, we wish to extend great thanks for your innovativeness (or lack
thereof).
         Now, you too, can be ELITE.

!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^
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